there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
