he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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