She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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