dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
