Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
