He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
