It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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