We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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