I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
