would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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