Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
