Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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