I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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