Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
