I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
