We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't deserve a penis
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
