I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
