And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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