Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
