We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
