i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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