she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just high enough for therapy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
