chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
