Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
