I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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