Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
