Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
