Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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