Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
