Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
