Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I love having hate sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drunk is not a location!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
