Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
