I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
