Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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