So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
