I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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