Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He better not be in your backpack
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
