Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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