They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
