yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
