he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
