get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
