dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
