Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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