There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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