i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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