saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
50% drunk capacity currently
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
