I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
