I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dignity is for republicans.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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