you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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